Lesbians on TV: Biphobia in The L Word

The first couple seasons of The L Word had a lot of promise, at least when it came to being inclusive of diverse identities. One of the main characters I mentioned in the last post, Alice, started out as a proud bisexual character. And she got a lot of shit for it from her friends. If I remember correctly, in the pilot episode, Alice is asked when she is going to "pick a side." she says that she is looking for the same things in a man as she is in a woman, and that is a legit statement for many people who identify as bisexual. However, after Alice makes this statement, her friends make a joke about it.

Even so, at least at this point, Alice is proud to be bi and she sticks to the identity. And then it changes. But first, let's visit another storyline where a character experiments with bisexuality.

Tina, who at the beginning of the show, has been with her partner Bette for a very long time. In, about season 3 or 4, Tina starts having feelings for a man and leaves Bette for this possibility. She is ostracized within her community for having taken "heterosexual privilege" and being with a man.

Even Alice, the former proud bisexual, admits that she thinks bisexuality is gross, and she doesn't know how she ever identified as such.

Can we all agree that this sucks? Biphobia sucks a whole lot, and completely undermines the whole point of fighting for LGBT rights. You know, the right to love whoever you love, and be attracted to whoever you're attracted to? Unless you're bisexual or otherwise sexually fluid. Then you need to choose a side.

This instance is more than just a television show being stupid, as television shows often are, it is a television show perpetuating a very real problem that exists within the LGBT community.

Many members of the lesbian and gay communities have the same rigid idea of sexuality being black or white, gay or straight, as many heterosexual individuals have. Many see bisexuality as a stepping stone to "really coming out." Maybe there's some jealousy because someone who identifies as bisexual can sometimes have heteronormative relationships. I don't know, and quite honestly, I don't care.

As a movement, we are going to get nowhere if we keep denying the legitimacy of those who exist within our community.

I don't think it matters how you identify, that's your identity and your business, but that should go for everyone. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, fluid, or straight, it's just a sexual orientation. Get over it and move on.

We're fighting with society to have the right to be with whoever we want, without the constraints of social constructs. That's the "gay agenda"," right? So, we shouldn't have to fight within our own community to have the same thing.

Lesbians on TV: Media Representation in The L Word

Like any good dyke, I have seen every episode of the popular Showtime show, The L Word, at least once and I admit, I like the show. However, liking a show does not mean it is without fault. The L Word follows the lives of a group of lesbians in West Hollywood. There are a lot of problems with the way that issues such as trans* issues, class, bisexuality, drug use, etc. are portrayed in the show. That being said, this will be the first entry in a series of posts about the show.

Let's start with the representation of the lesbian community. In the land of The L Word, lesbians are almost all white, thin, femme, wealthy, and fit within the media's standard of beauty. They all live within this cloistered community where everyone knows everyone's business and they have the money and time to go out every night.

The main characters are archetypes of the way lesbians supposedly are. Here's a list of the character you need to know for the purposes of this blog.
Alice: the gossip. She has a chart of who has slept with who.
Shane: the heartbreaker/slut.
Bette and Tina: the couple that has been together for years.
Dana: the closeted athlete
Jenny: the straight girl who turns gay
Moira/Max: the show's failed attempt at having a trans* character. More on this later.

So, all these characters represent the basic stereotypes that permeate the way the less informed public sees lesbians. Yes, some of it is correct. Many lesbians are heartbreakers, or gossips, or end up in very long term committed relationships. Many lesbians are athletes, many are in the closet, and most lesbians identified as straight once. I even had a chart similar to the one Alice has at one point.

The problem is that not all lesbians fit into these boxes, and, at least in my experience, the LGBTQ community does not function in quite that way. I don't know anyone who hangs out with almost entirely lesbians, nor do I know anyone who lives a life that completely revolves around gossip. Yes, gays gossip, but that's not all we do.

Same goes for sex. Sex is great, it's wonderful, but my life does not revolve around it. If your only experience with lesbians was watching The L Word, you wouldn't know it. Sometimes I feel like the show is soft core porn with a slight storyline. My life is not like that, at all.

To an extent, I get it. Sex sells, and without it the producers lose their straight man audience if they tone down the sex, but for once I would really like to see a show that represents who I am, in a relatable way.

The Importance of Being Out

A good friend called me yesterday to tell me about an amazing experience she had with her father. They were talking about being out and she told him that being gay is not the only part of her identity, but it is important to be out. He asked why, and she said that it's important in order to give people like him perspective, because then it's not just this other group of people who can't get married or join the military, or this other group of people who get bullied at school for being who they are. It's your kid, friend, neighbor, or coworker.

Her dad said he never thought about it that way. And, truth be told, I hadn't really either. Not in depth. It's important to be out.

This is not to say that EVERYONE should be out. There are some situations where it is unsafe for someone to come out as LGB or T, but in those situations where it is safe, it's important to be out.

Out and Active.

When people have no perspective on "this other group" that does not have these rights, it's easily othered and forgotten, even for those with the best intentions. However, when this "other group" becomes a group that includes your friend, family member, neighbor, co-worker, or classmate, they are no longer that forgotten group of people.

Because being LGBT is not readily identifiable, as say being a person of color is, anyone could know someone in the LGBT community and not realize it. That's why it's important for those of us with the privilege of being able to be out should be out, and active, and loud. How can you fight for your rights when no one knows what you're fighting for, or why?

This goes for Allies as well. It can be hard to come out as an ally, but it's equally as, if not more, important to be out and loud as an ally. (More on this in later posts.)

It's that easy, just come out if you are in a safe situation to do so. Look at all the changes that can make.

The Transgender (Topless) Pool Party

Something amazing happened while I was in Minneapolis for The Creating Change Conference.

There was a transgender pool party, they have it every year. That, in and of itself, is really awesome and empowering. But, then we, students from the Auraria Campus, started a topless pool party at this transgender pool party.

I have to say that it was the most empowering experience that I have ever had. I felt free and comfortable, and the best part was how encouraging everyone was to each other. When someone would take their swim top off to join, we would cheer. Not in a pervy way, but in a supportive way.

There were many trans* women there who were probably already feeling uncomfortable in their swim wear, but also enjoying the chance to be who they want to be with no judgement. Some of those beautiful women joined our topless party, and started to appear more comfortable with the situation. By the end of the night, there were at least 40 topless people who had not been previously topless.

Simply put, it was an amazing experience. The energy that night was amazing, and I don't know that I will ever experience something so profound again in my life and I feel so honored to have experienced it at all.

Sue Hyde, the exectutive director of the conference, said that this was the best session of the conference.

A moment of appreciation

for the word, Cunt.

yeah. I said it. Cunt. I love the word. It's not politically correct, and it seems to piss people off but I love that. It's blunt, and it's powerful. The word "Vagina" is not nearly as powerful, and that's why it's politically correct.

But think about it, Vagina comes from the latin for sheath of a sword... so they're just for "swords" or penises to inhabit? Well, I don't have one of those.

I have a cunt. I claim it. It's mine, the word and the beautiful body part.

Eve Ensler wrote it best, check out this performance of "Reclaiming Cunt" from The Vagina Monologues



And if you liked this, come see MetroState Feminist Alliance perform the Vagina Monologues on March 31 in the Tivoli Turnhalle or April 1 and 2 at Hamburger Mary's.

Words don't work so well: Pronoun problems

The English language has more that 2x more word than the next language, yet the words we do have are inadequate when someone with an unconventional identity. This is not a problem for those who identify as heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. It's not even a problem right now for people who identify as transgender men or women. But it's not always that simple. Sexuality and gender are both spectrums, and there are not labels for all of those degrees of difference.

So, what do you call someone who identifies as neither man or woman? Or both man and woman? Or somewhere in-between?

Some identity words for the individuals who identify outside of the gender binary are; queer, genderqueer, intergender, androgyne/androgynous, third gender, genderless, or, in first nations traditions, two-spirit.

The problem comes when the individuals who use these identities are referred to. Pronouns, ugh. Even if someone is being considerate and asks, "what pronouns do you prefer?" what would they say?

The pronouns used for people in conventional society are he/him/his, she/her/hers and they/them/their. Until recently, they/them/their was used to refer to multiple people. Now, it is grammatically correct to call an individual person "they" but, would you agree that it sounds weird?

So, not everybody likes they/them/their, what now? There are some lesser known gender neutral pronouns out there such as ze/hir or co/co's.

Ze/hir is used within some trans* communities, but many people find it clunky and hard to use. Co is a gender neutral pronoun coined by feminist writer Mary Orovan in 1970, and is used by intentional egalitarian communities that strive to create a genderless society, such as Twin Oaks in Virginia.

I like co as a pronoun, but not everybody does. The problem is that there is no real gender neutral pronoun that works for everybody, or works in mainstream society.

What do you think?

I wish everyone wore name tags: pronoun problems

I am in Minneapolis right now, at the Gay and Lesbian Task Force's annual conference on Creating Change (www.creatingchange.org) and everyone has name tags, as you would expect at a conference. The cool part is that many individuals I've met have written their preferred pronouns on their name tags. This is really cool, since many people here, especially in the transcended hospitality suite where I've spent the majority of my free time, are somewhat androgynous and nobody wants to get pronouns wrong.

The thing is, people outside of the queer bubble are not nearly as aware of the importance of correct pronouns and gender identity. See, if your body matches your brain it doesn't matter as much when someone assumes that you're the gender you are but for people who identify as trans*, gender queer, or other it can hurt or at least be uncomfortable to be misgendered based on someone's perception of who they are.

So, how do you know? Well, without asking or looking at someone's name tag at a lgbt conference, you don't. Never assume anything when it comes to gender, even people who present themselves one way may identify differently. Think about it, you wouldn't want someone to assume that you're a different gender than you are, right?

What pronouns do you prefer?