Today on my campus, there was a huge anti-choice display. We're talking a 20ft tall, 30ft long, big disgusting display of what they would like to tell you abortion looks like, and how it is not humane. This thing was right in the middle of campus, in a place where you could not avoid it, at all. There was a sign that said "warning: graphic pictures ahead" which most people saw AFTER seeing the actual display. The thing took up the entire grassy area where people normally relax during their day, especially on such a beautiful sunny day such as today. I am disgusted.
Beyond my opinions about their opinion, I find this display highly inappropriate. I get free speech, but people have the right to not listen to the bullshit you have the right to spout. No one could avoid this display, it was as big as a ride at an amusement park.
And the thing that really pisses me off is that they say that they're doing this for the women. They're saving the women from the emotional trauma of having an abortion, because women can't be trusted to appropriately deal with the consequences of their choices. Especially the emotional consequences. They need to be protected from the consequences of freedom, so let's take their rights away. (I call bullshit)
What about the women who have had an abortion? How is this disgusting display protecting them from further emotional trauma. Or how about the emotional trauma of having to go through a pregnancy you do not want, and having a child you do not want? What about the emotional trauma the child will go through when they grow up knowing they were not wanted, either because the mother makes it clear or they are adopted. What about that?
It's not like abortion is an easy decision or process. I've been there, I know.
When I was fifteen, I found out I was pregnant with the potential child of the man who was abusing me. Of course I had an abortion, it was my only choice. If I were to tell him, he would have beaten me, blamed me for getting pregnant, for not being on birth control, whatever. I would have probably lost the baby anyways.
And then there was the whole issue of telling my parents. "hey mom and dad, you know how I'm not allowed to date and I'm supposed to wait until I'm married to have sex... well, I'm pregnant." This was not going to happen, I would have been kicked out.
Add the fact that I was totally fucked up on drugs to the whole equation and abortion was the right choice for me to make. It was the hardest decision I've ever made. It was also the best decision I've ever made. For me and the potential life that then inhabited my uterus.
Regardless of that, it was not a fun process, and I would do almost anything to never have to go through it again. It was physically painful, really dangerous (because I couldn't go to a decent clinic without telling my parents), really expensive, and emotionally traumatic. And seeing those signs on campus today was a lot more than I could handle.
What I think they should do, if they really care about women, is to put all that money and energy into education. Fund some comprehensive sex-education programs that teach about protection (barrier and hormonal), sexuality, peer pressure, interpersonal violence, and how to say no until you're ready. Keeping in mind that kids will have sex, it's fun, we were built for it, and abstinence is not the only option. To think otherwise is unrealistic.
Of course, these organizations do not really care about women, or fetuses. They care about keeping women from having rights. They always have, always will. That's why we need to continue fighting for reproductive freedom. It's not just about the right to an abortion, it's about the right to do what you will with your body. From sexual activity to sexual reassignment surgery, it all comes down to freedom of choice. If they take one right away, what else will they take?
Showing posts with label Domestic Violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Domestic Violence. Show all posts
Monday, April 11, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Queering Annorexia Nervosa and Domestic Violence: My Coming Out Story
*trigger warning for Domestic Violence*
So, I've known that I was "different" since I was ten. And by different, I mean that I knew I was queer, but I didn't have a word for it. I knew I had a crush on Belle in Beauty and The Beast, I was always into the smart girls. Still am. I also knew, when I was ten, that I was supposed to have a crush on The Beast, after true love changed him back into a handsome man, of course. At some point, I figured that there was something wrong.
This idea comes from the very christian home I grew up in. For the longest time, my parents would preach that either you're straight or you're going to hell. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. All that stuff, so when I figured out that the closest word I had for my crush on Belle was GAY, I freaked out. There was really something wrong with me, and that something would send me to hell.
So, I did everything in my power to change it. In middle school, I would flirt with the boys my friends found attractive. I even dated a few of them, just to prove that I wasn't that horrible thing my parents told me about. To prove that I wasn't gay. I was one of the popular girls of our middle school, I worked hard for that. Nobody asked the popular girls too many questions.
Then came High School. Naive, 14 year old, me got herself a boyfriend who was a senior. He was drum major and a drug dealer, and it was perfect. He was the guy that all the girls wanted, so of course I was happy. Nobody would even think to question my sexuality as long as I played along.
At some point, playing along stopped being worth it. He was jealous, he thought I spent too much time with my friends, he told me I was fat and ugly, he told me I was stupid, he told me I was worthless, he told me he was the only person who would ever love me. He broke me down to less than human. And by then, I was stuck. I was addicted to the drugs he was selling me. And I believed him.
Who would love me? I'm worthless, and I'm a lesbian. Even God can't love me.
It seems unbelievable now, but so many victims go through such similar thought processes when they're in situations like this. The abuse was so normal by the time he started hitting me, it was almost as if I expected it. I believed that I deserved it. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't do anything at all.
That was the worst part for me. I needed to find something to control. I had been obsessively dieting and trying to lose weight since the third grade. I became even more obsessive about it, as a way to gain some semblance of control. It consumed my life, at least when I wasn't trying to make him happy.
He left after he graduated, went into the army. But that didn't stop me from feeling out of control. My drug use got worse, I tuned out, and I lost it. I went into a state of being incredibly promiscuous, still trying to prove to everyone and myself that I was straight but also trying to find some self worth in the arms of a one night stand. Nothing mattered, and nothing changed anything. Still no control.
As I continued to starve myself, I became emaciated to the point where I could not hide it. People who cared about me started to really start to question if something was wrong. My parents finally intervened and took me to the hospital. I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and sent to an inpatient facility specific to eating disorders. I was in treatment for 3 months.
In treatment, I learned so much about loving myself and putting myself first. It wasn't all about my eating disorder, a lot of it had to do with the things that he had convinced me of, and the things I had convinced myself. I started to come to terms with being queer, and decided to stop putting up with my own bullshit.
When I got out of treatment, I transferred schools. Everyone thought that would be a good idea, and it was. I found myself in a group of supportive friends who didn't give a shit about my sexual orientation. So I came out to my friends at school. And everybody already knew.
It wasn't until my senior year that I fell out of the closet to my parents... but that is a whole other story.
So, I've known that I was "different" since I was ten. And by different, I mean that I knew I was queer, but I didn't have a word for it. I knew I had a crush on Belle in Beauty and The Beast, I was always into the smart girls. Still am. I also knew, when I was ten, that I was supposed to have a crush on The Beast, after true love changed him back into a handsome man, of course. At some point, I figured that there was something wrong.
This idea comes from the very christian home I grew up in. For the longest time, my parents would preach that either you're straight or you're going to hell. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. All that stuff, so when I figured out that the closest word I had for my crush on Belle was GAY, I freaked out. There was really something wrong with me, and that something would send me to hell.
So, I did everything in my power to change it. In middle school, I would flirt with the boys my friends found attractive. I even dated a few of them, just to prove that I wasn't that horrible thing my parents told me about. To prove that I wasn't gay. I was one of the popular girls of our middle school, I worked hard for that. Nobody asked the popular girls too many questions.
Then came High School. Naive, 14 year old, me got herself a boyfriend who was a senior. He was drum major and a drug dealer, and it was perfect. He was the guy that all the girls wanted, so of course I was happy. Nobody would even think to question my sexuality as long as I played along.
At some point, playing along stopped being worth it. He was jealous, he thought I spent too much time with my friends, he told me I was fat and ugly, he told me I was stupid, he told me I was worthless, he told me he was the only person who would ever love me. He broke me down to less than human. And by then, I was stuck. I was addicted to the drugs he was selling me. And I believed him.
Who would love me? I'm worthless, and I'm a lesbian. Even God can't love me.
It seems unbelievable now, but so many victims go through such similar thought processes when they're in situations like this. The abuse was so normal by the time he started hitting me, it was almost as if I expected it. I believed that I deserved it. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't do anything at all.
That was the worst part for me. I needed to find something to control. I had been obsessively dieting and trying to lose weight since the third grade. I became even more obsessive about it, as a way to gain some semblance of control. It consumed my life, at least when I wasn't trying to make him happy.
He left after he graduated, went into the army. But that didn't stop me from feeling out of control. My drug use got worse, I tuned out, and I lost it. I went into a state of being incredibly promiscuous, still trying to prove to everyone and myself that I was straight but also trying to find some self worth in the arms of a one night stand. Nothing mattered, and nothing changed anything. Still no control.
As I continued to starve myself, I became emaciated to the point where I could not hide it. People who cared about me started to really start to question if something was wrong. My parents finally intervened and took me to the hospital. I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and sent to an inpatient facility specific to eating disorders. I was in treatment for 3 months.
In treatment, I learned so much about loving myself and putting myself first. It wasn't all about my eating disorder, a lot of it had to do with the things that he had convinced me of, and the things I had convinced myself. I started to come to terms with being queer, and decided to stop putting up with my own bullshit.
When I got out of treatment, I transferred schools. Everyone thought that would be a good idea, and it was. I found myself in a group of supportive friends who didn't give a shit about my sexual orientation. So I came out to my friends at school. And everybody already knew.
It wasn't until my senior year that I fell out of the closet to my parents... but that is a whole other story.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Bathroom Just Got Educational
*Originally published in MetroState's Institute For Women's Studies and Services Newsletter, written by me.*
Have you gone to the restroom on campus lately? If you have, you might have noticed that The Phoenix Center at Auraria has a new way to get information about resources out, called The Bathroom Campaign. Over winter break, staff and volunteers from The Phoenix Center at Auraria and The Institute for Women’s Studies and Services installed frames in approximately 145 bathroom stalls across campus, with at least one set of restrooms in each building. The frames hold flyers with information about upcoming events, facts and statistics about interpersonal violence (Relationship Violence, Sexual Assault, and Stalking) and resources offered at The Phoenix Center at Auraria, such as the 24/7 helpline.
The process to gain special permission for this project began last summer when staff from The Institute and The Phoenix Center approached The Auraria Higher Education Center (AHEC) about receiving special permission to place the frames in bathroom stalls. The rationale is based upon the fact that there is very little privacy on the campus, which limits a survivor’s access to critical support information. The bathroom stall is the one place where an individual may be apt to read pertinent information about interpersonal violence services. Access to this crucial information, in a confidential way, may prompt a survivor to take a bigger step by writing down the phone number for the helpline and reaching out. Placing the signage on a bathroom stall door is significantly more effective and desirable than placing a sign in the bathroom itself by the sinks. In this case, a survivor would be seen reading the information or taking down a number and this lack of privacy will inhibit their choice to take the information. Similar bathroom marketing campaigns exist in a number of institutions across the country and they all report great success. Additionally, the campus bathrooms serve individuals (faculty, staff and students) from all three institutions, as well as AHEC, and thus this approach fulfills the Four-Institutional mission of The PCA and reach a wide audience.
As far as marketing goes, bathroom signs are wonderful because people will read them, what else would they do on the toilet? The average person uses the restroom at least 2-5 times per day; chances are that a good amount of those times will happen on campus. The signs will be seen and read, and the information will get out. And because there is at least one set of bathrooms in each building with these signs, we’re reaching the entire diverse campus community. And they can’t easily avoid it.
The most important aspect of The Bathroom Campaign though, is the confidentiality. A bathroom stall is one of the most private places on campus, therefore, the risk that somebody might see a survivor taking down information, the way they might if the signs were in a common area of the bathroom, is non-existent. This puts the survivor in a safe situation where they can consider The Phoenix Center at Auraria as an option for support either through the helpline or in-office advocacy. This privacy is especially important considering the rampant cultural norms of victim blaming and shame around interpersonal violence in our current society.
There is a list of departments we need to thank for this innovative way to get information to our campus community. The offices who sponsor The Phoenix Center at Auraria for The Bathroom Campaign are: The Institute for Women’s Studies and Services, Campus Recreation @ Auraria, UCD Student Life, UCD Community Standards and Wellness, and CCD Student Life and The Auraria Higher Education Center.
Have you gone to the restroom on campus lately? If you have, you might have noticed that The Phoenix Center at Auraria has a new way to get information about resources out, called The Bathroom Campaign. Over winter break, staff and volunteers from The Phoenix Center at Auraria and The Institute for Women’s Studies and Services installed frames in approximately 145 bathroom stalls across campus, with at least one set of restrooms in each building. The frames hold flyers with information about upcoming events, facts and statistics about interpersonal violence (Relationship Violence, Sexual Assault, and Stalking) and resources offered at The Phoenix Center at Auraria, such as the 24/7 helpline.
The process to gain special permission for this project began last summer when staff from The Institute and The Phoenix Center approached The Auraria Higher Education Center (AHEC) about receiving special permission to place the frames in bathroom stalls. The rationale is based upon the fact that there is very little privacy on the campus, which limits a survivor’s access to critical support information. The bathroom stall is the one place where an individual may be apt to read pertinent information about interpersonal violence services. Access to this crucial information, in a confidential way, may prompt a survivor to take a bigger step by writing down the phone number for the helpline and reaching out. Placing the signage on a bathroom stall door is significantly more effective and desirable than placing a sign in the bathroom itself by the sinks. In this case, a survivor would be seen reading the information or taking down a number and this lack of privacy will inhibit their choice to take the information. Similar bathroom marketing campaigns exist in a number of institutions across the country and they all report great success. Additionally, the campus bathrooms serve individuals (faculty, staff and students) from all three institutions, as well as AHEC, and thus this approach fulfills the Four-Institutional mission of The PCA and reach a wide audience.
As far as marketing goes, bathroom signs are wonderful because people will read them, what else would they do on the toilet? The average person uses the restroom at least 2-5 times per day; chances are that a good amount of those times will happen on campus. The signs will be seen and read, and the information will get out. And because there is at least one set of bathrooms in each building with these signs, we’re reaching the entire diverse campus community. And they can’t easily avoid it.
The most important aspect of The Bathroom Campaign though, is the confidentiality. A bathroom stall is one of the most private places on campus, therefore, the risk that somebody might see a survivor taking down information, the way they might if the signs were in a common area of the bathroom, is non-existent. This puts the survivor in a safe situation where they can consider The Phoenix Center at Auraria as an option for support either through the helpline or in-office advocacy. This privacy is especially important considering the rampant cultural norms of victim blaming and shame around interpersonal violence in our current society.
There is a list of departments we need to thank for this innovative way to get information to our campus community. The offices who sponsor The Phoenix Center at Auraria for The Bathroom Campaign are: The Institute for Women’s Studies and Services, Campus Recreation @ Auraria, UCD Student Life, UCD Community Standards and Wellness, and CCD Student Life and The Auraria Higher Education Center.
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