The First Gay Pride Was a RIOT

Have you ever heard of the Stonewall Riots? If not, you are not alone. But, I think they need to be addressed, especially considering that it is gay pride month.

In Denver, we celebrated pride last weekend with our annual gay pride fest, sponsored by our GLBT center (and many corporate donors). There was a parade, there was dancing, there were drag shows. It was a big party and I, with most of the attendees, was drunk all weekend.

While there is nothing wrong with a big party, or getting drunk, I think that there is something missing from this celebration. Mainly, the activism. The first gay pride parade happened the day after the stonewall riots, as a protest to the police brutality and the discriminatory laws that the LGBT community experienced at the time.

Previous to the 1970s in the United States, it was illegal to openly engage in homosexual conduct. Police brutality against LGBT individuals was incredibly pervasive, and it went completely unnoticed by the mainstream culture.

Then only gay bars that existed at the time were underground bars run by the mob. The Stonewall Inn was one of these bars. At 1:20am on June 28, 1969, the police raided the Stonewall Inn. This had happened before, but the LGBT community had finally had enough. The patrons of the bar refused to follow protocol for these raids, refusing to go with the officers. Many people were arrested, but the wagons sent to take them to the jailhouse had not arrived yet and they had to wait. Those released from the bar did not leave quickly, instead they stuck around, crowding the outside and drawing more of a crowd from the neighborhood and nearby bars. Some drag queens decided to perform for the police by posing, primping, and dancing in exaggerated ways. The police got violent, and a riot started.

This was the first time the LGBT community fought back, and it was brilliant. The next day, for the first time, most of the LGBT community risked getting arrested and marched down the streets of new york in solidarity. This sparked what we now know as the gay civil rights movement and gained us many of the rights we have today, as queer people, including the right to get drunk in the park for our yearly gay pride festival.

So, why then, are we not continuing the work that these brave people did? Sure, there are a few people involved in social justice organizing for the queer community, if you're reading this then it's likely that you are. But the LGBT community at large is complacent. Are we happy to just get drunk and ignore the fact that we still do not have equal rights. We still face discrimination and police brutality. We still can't marry the people we love.

So what are we doing about it? What are you doing about it? Celebrate, yes, but then do something. We need to make changes, and fast. If you think the people who want to take our rights away from us are getting drunk and not organizing, then you'll be taken by surprise when we don't have any rights anymore.

The LGBT community is facing more backlash than we have in a long while, it's time to fight back and get all the rights we deserve.

We Can't be Silent Anymore: Bringing attention to Bullying

Tomorrow, on the Auraria Campus, we will be having an event called "The Day of Noise." We will be making a lot of noise against LGBTQ bullying. Why?

Because we can't be silent anymore.

The idea for the event came when we were talking about GLSEN's National Day of Silence (www.dayofsilence.org) and what event could we hold for it. The National Day of Silence is an event that many high school and college GSAs will take part in. The point is to be silent for a whole day in order to bring attention to the fact that many people on our campuses cannot be open about who they are, for whatever reason. At the end of the day, everyone meets and breaks the silence by making as much noise as possible and being in community with each other. Every time I have participated in this event, it has been an incredibly powerful event, and I would encourage everyone to participate on friday by being silent at all times possible.

However, I am tired of being silent. I'm tired of being silenced. Things are happening to my community and I'm angry.

I want to make some noise!

See, bullying isn't just something that happened in elementary school. It happens in middle and high school too. It even happens in college. And, if it goes unchecked, bullying can turn into harassment and violence.

Last semester the news reported that at least 6 LGBT college and high school students committed suicide because they were bullied about their sexual orientation. This number does not include the hundreds of LGBT suicides that have not been reported in the news.

LGBT youth are 6 times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual counterparts. This is not because they are LGBT, but because of the social pressures and bullying that they can experience due to their sexual orientation or gender identity. And it's not just other students who do it. Teachers, faculty and staff can add to the pressure and bully students just as much. Last year at least two gay students made the news because they were not allowed to bring a same sex date with them to the Prom. Try and tell me that's not a form of bullying.

This shit is not okay with me. It's time to shout about it, make it loud. It's time to really be proud of who we are as a community. It's time to come together as a community and support each other.

And, we need to stand up and make some noise. Call people out, make them stop and think, make them as angry about this as we are. Make them change.

Vote With Your Money, Honey

So, most monday nights I go to a local gay night club for their weekly Ru Paul's Drag Race viewing party. These viewing parties and the show itself are sponsored by Absolut Vodka, we watch the show with all of the commercials cut except for the ones advertising Absolut, and the drag queen who hosts the viewing party is constantly telling us to drink some Absolut. They even give away a bottle of Absolut each night.

One would think that Absolut, or any other company that advertises on LGBT oriented television is gay friendly, right? But are they? Do they love the gays, or our wallets?

This is not a discussion that hasn't been had before, this idea of whether my generation is the gay movement, or the gay market. We talked about it when Absolut (yes, the same vodka) came out with a special edition pride bottle that was decorated with a rainbow. We've discussed it when it comes to Coors supporting ANYTHING gay.

Most people think that Coors is apologizing for being anti-gay back around stonewall. Back then, we really were a movement, and we boycotted Coors for their anti-gay policies. And they listened. That, is voting with your dollar.

However, somewhere between boycotting Coors and now, we went from boycotting anti-gay companies to supporting gay friendly looking companies. This comes from a good place, that is, supporting LGBTQ and ally owned businesses. But, the companies caught on and, though they may have anti-LGBT policies, advertise during shows geared to LGBT individuals or on LGBT channels (like LOGO and Bravo). Because many individuals are too busy or lazy to do any research on the actual policies the company operates under, we just assume that these companies are LGBTQ friendly.

It used to be mostly alcohol companies that used this marketing plan, but now it's everyone from travel companies to electronics stores. This is not to say that all of these companies have anti-LGBTQ policies, although some do *ahem... Best Buy and Target...* but think about this for a second, we as a market have a lot of power. We as a movement have a lot to achieve.

Why the fuck are we not doing our research? We could, with just our choices of where to shop and what to buy, create some serious change. It's not the only thing we as a movement need to be doing, but it helps, because every small step helps.

Be a movement, not a market. Support companies that actually support LGBTQ rights. Don't support those who don't. See what happens, it might just change some things.

Remember, we are powerful.

'Aint gonna tie me down: Thoughts on Polyamory and Non-monagamy

Polyamory: the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Non-monogamy: a blanket term which covers several types of interpersonal relationships in which an individual forms multiple and simultaneous sexual and/or romantic bonds.

Thank you, Wikipedia, for the definitions. Note, that this has nothing to do with The Mormon church.

These alternative relationship models have been on my mind lately. I've never been in a polyamorous relationship, but I have tried an open relationship. That didn't work, but that had to do with other issues within the relationship to start with. So, I'm curious.

I have some friends who are poly and it works really well for them. I also have monogamous friends and that works for them too. I don't know what works for me yet.

A good friend described her form of polyamory to me as a way to meet all of her needs without putting unreasonable expectations on one person. So she can be in romantically attracted to one person, sexually attracted to another, or many others, and have a make-out buddy and a cuddle buddy, etc. Each of us has a unique set of needs, and in this situation one person is not expected to fulfill them all.

This piece, I think is brilliant. I've had so many relationships fail because my partner was not meeting all of my needs, or I was not meeting theirs. Or we had different expectations for the relationship. I know I'm not the only one who has had these problems. Problems that can't always be solved by more effective communication.

However, I also think, that polyamorous relationships could get very complicated. People get jealous, they get angry, and things are miscommunicated. Maybe the initial rules of the relationship were not exactly what one person had in mind, or the communication piece got totally screwed up. Hearts got broken, relationships ended.

But, this is something that happens in monogamous relationships, right? Maybe, because the rules and expectations necessarily need to be negotiated in the beginning of the relationship, this could foster better communication within the relationship. If all parties involved are good at that sort of thing.

I don't have any answers about how poly and non-monogamous relationships work, or if they do. It's different for everyone, because everything is different for everyone. And that's beautiful, it would be boring if everything were as black and white as a "one-size-fits-all" relationship model, or way of living.

Anyways, I think that everyone operates differently and some of us haven't figured out how we operate yet. That's ok too. When I figure out how I operate, I'll let you know, but right now I think I might experiment. That's what these years are for, figuring out who we are.

Identity is constantly changing, and the road to figuring out who you are is an adventure. Sometimes you have to take risks. This is how we grow, by challenging the norm and experimenting with the unknown. If we stop growing, we die. I'm not ready to stop growing, are you?

Lesbians on TV: Biphobia in The L Word

The first couple seasons of The L Word had a lot of promise, at least when it came to being inclusive of diverse identities. One of the main characters I mentioned in the last post, Alice, started out as a proud bisexual character. And she got a lot of shit for it from her friends. If I remember correctly, in the pilot episode, Alice is asked when she is going to "pick a side." she says that she is looking for the same things in a man as she is in a woman, and that is a legit statement for many people who identify as bisexual. However, after Alice makes this statement, her friends make a joke about it.

Even so, at least at this point, Alice is proud to be bi and she sticks to the identity. And then it changes. But first, let's visit another storyline where a character experiments with bisexuality.

Tina, who at the beginning of the show, has been with her partner Bette for a very long time. In, about season 3 or 4, Tina starts having feelings for a man and leaves Bette for this possibility. She is ostracized within her community for having taken "heterosexual privilege" and being with a man.

Even Alice, the former proud bisexual, admits that she thinks bisexuality is gross, and she doesn't know how she ever identified as such.

Can we all agree that this sucks? Biphobia sucks a whole lot, and completely undermines the whole point of fighting for LGBT rights. You know, the right to love whoever you love, and be attracted to whoever you're attracted to? Unless you're bisexual or otherwise sexually fluid. Then you need to choose a side.

This instance is more than just a television show being stupid, as television shows often are, it is a television show perpetuating a very real problem that exists within the LGBT community.

Many members of the lesbian and gay communities have the same rigid idea of sexuality being black or white, gay or straight, as many heterosexual individuals have. Many see bisexuality as a stepping stone to "really coming out." Maybe there's some jealousy because someone who identifies as bisexual can sometimes have heteronormative relationships. I don't know, and quite honestly, I don't care.

As a movement, we are going to get nowhere if we keep denying the legitimacy of those who exist within our community.

I don't think it matters how you identify, that's your identity and your business, but that should go for everyone. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, fluid, or straight, it's just a sexual orientation. Get over it and move on.

We're fighting with society to have the right to be with whoever we want, without the constraints of social constructs. That's the "gay agenda"," right? So, we shouldn't have to fight within our own community to have the same thing.

The Importance of Being Out

A good friend called me yesterday to tell me about an amazing experience she had with her father. They were talking about being out and she told him that being gay is not the only part of her identity, but it is important to be out. He asked why, and she said that it's important in order to give people like him perspective, because then it's not just this other group of people who can't get married or join the military, or this other group of people who get bullied at school for being who they are. It's your kid, friend, neighbor, or coworker.

Her dad said he never thought about it that way. And, truth be told, I hadn't really either. Not in depth. It's important to be out.

This is not to say that EVERYONE should be out. There are some situations where it is unsafe for someone to come out as LGB or T, but in those situations where it is safe, it's important to be out.

Out and Active.

When people have no perspective on "this other group" that does not have these rights, it's easily othered and forgotten, even for those with the best intentions. However, when this "other group" becomes a group that includes your friend, family member, neighbor, co-worker, or classmate, they are no longer that forgotten group of people.

Because being LGBT is not readily identifiable, as say being a person of color is, anyone could know someone in the LGBT community and not realize it. That's why it's important for those of us with the privilege of being able to be out should be out, and active, and loud. How can you fight for your rights when no one knows what you're fighting for, or why?

This goes for Allies as well. It can be hard to come out as an ally, but it's equally as, if not more, important to be out and loud as an ally. (More on this in later posts.)

It's that easy, just come out if you are in a safe situation to do so. Look at all the changes that can make.

Words don't work so well: Pronoun problems

The English language has more that 2x more word than the next language, yet the words we do have are inadequate when someone with an unconventional identity. This is not a problem for those who identify as heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. It's not even a problem right now for people who identify as transgender men or women. But it's not always that simple. Sexuality and gender are both spectrums, and there are not labels for all of those degrees of difference.

So, what do you call someone who identifies as neither man or woman? Or both man and woman? Or somewhere in-between?

Some identity words for the individuals who identify outside of the gender binary are; queer, genderqueer, intergender, androgyne/androgynous, third gender, genderless, or, in first nations traditions, two-spirit.

The problem comes when the individuals who use these identities are referred to. Pronouns, ugh. Even if someone is being considerate and asks, "what pronouns do you prefer?" what would they say?

The pronouns used for people in conventional society are he/him/his, she/her/hers and they/them/their. Until recently, they/them/their was used to refer to multiple people. Now, it is grammatically correct to call an individual person "they" but, would you agree that it sounds weird?

So, not everybody likes they/them/their, what now? There are some lesser known gender neutral pronouns out there such as ze/hir or co/co's.

Ze/hir is used within some trans* communities, but many people find it clunky and hard to use. Co is a gender neutral pronoun coined by feminist writer Mary Orovan in 1970, and is used by intentional egalitarian communities that strive to create a genderless society, such as Twin Oaks in Virginia.

I like co as a pronoun, but not everybody does. The problem is that there is no real gender neutral pronoun that works for everybody, or works in mainstream society.

What do you think?

The gay grapevine

News travels fast in the LGBT community. Sometimes, this is a good thing. We can make plans for a protest, flash mob, or party and everyone hears about it. Other times, it makes the community feel like a small town. Everyone knows everyone's business.

Why is this bad? It's bad because it causes drama. Drama that an equal rights movement does not have the time to deal with. How, exactly are we supposed to fight homophobia and violence if we're too busy fighting with each other?

Gossip, is not always a bad thing, but is it ever really beneficial?

The thing about any sort of equal rights movement, is that we need solidarity. The only way people will want to support our rights, and the only way we'll be able to even make them aware of the rights we don't have, is to be a solid support group. Not a bunch of constantly fighting animals with no regard for the feelings of those in our own communities.

Just think before you go to tell someone a fact or rumor about someone else. Is it beneficial? Probably not. Will it hurt someone? Maybe.

Just think, that's all I'm asking.